Churchill's Black Dog

I have never really believed in Depression. For most of my life I have considered that it is the luxury of the rich, the attention seeking of the bored, the theatrics of the pained drama queen, and the clutching at straws of the hypochondriac. This may not be so strange a view to you, that is until I confess that I have found myself fighting off Churchill's Black Dog for most of my post pubescent life. It may seem ever further alien when you discover I was once hospitalised following a parasuicidal drug overdose, or that I have been under the care of at least two Psychologists and a Psychiatrist since my 16th birthday. Why do I mention this background colour?

I had the privilege of meeting a best selling author recently. He was the Wunderkind of his time. I am not relegating him to retirement yet, but just giving perspective. At 18 he published a novel that shot to the top of sellers lists worldwide, and 15 years later and a number of bestsellers later, he is still weaving the tapestry of tales that keep a diverse readership begging for more...BUT...he suffers from depression. I am fully aware of the new nomenclature for our shared condition. Polite society has decided to allow us to avoid the stereotyping of 'Manic Depressants' and has couched the condition in the fluffiest of terms: 'Bi-polar'.
Suddenly with the single stroke of a pen, my own condition made perfect sense...I could identify the extreme vacillation between sparks of creative genius, and trenches of deep despair and heart crushing heaviness. I always considered my brilliant,creative self the normal me...but I am beginning to realise that the more normal me may in fact be the middle of the road kind that is neither churning out Picasso's, nor writing my own Eulogy.

My new author friend has found his middle of the road with the help of Psychotrophic medication, and still manages to captivate any audience, in person or in script. I on the other hand have not yet found that middle road. I no longer take medication, and by choice chose to deny my condition as I again have lined myself up for the most glorious of fall through my creative explosion over the past three months.