Tantrums in the Candy Aisle

In the movie City Slickers, the character Mitch Robbins bemoans "Have you ever had that feeling that this is the best I'm ever gonna do, this is the best I'm ever gonna feel... and it ain't that great?" This observation has often struck a tender cord in my experience of life. How often have I asked myself "is this the best I will ever be, the fastest I will ever run, the furthest I will ever jump?" Like a spoilt child throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle, I demand my share of this world, I shout at the heavens, I tally the journal entries in life's ledger, and cross check against my peers.

Those I have mentored buy supercars and waterside apartments. Those I have partnered with buy island resorts and golf courses. And as I audit my life, I experience a sense of lack. I grieve my lack and loss relative to their excess.

During periods of review this realisation has ignited many new endeavours to establish my virility, creativity, and youthfulness as result of the accounting of regret when the finals totals are tallied. Despite perfect health, a world class education, a top 2%paycheck, caring friends and a loving family; I regularly lament my lack, and bemoan my insignificance in the light of comparison with my wealthy and 'happier' peers.

How can any man who has a roof over his head, who eats 3times the Recommend Daily Allowance of Calories, who drinks imported coffee from organic cardboard cups, who takes 4weeks vacation a year on private yachts, who travels the world and who owns too many clothes to fit into his wardrobes; bemoan his lack?

My annual coffee bill is greater than millions of families' annual food bill. I own three pairs of designer sunglasses...three pairs of sunglasses that are worth more than the value of a human life in the world war zones.

I have travelled the world, made my first million, lost my first million, made my second million and spent that second million. I have fallen in, experienced rejection in, and rejected someone in love. I have experienced loss, experienced life, and even attempted to take my own life. I have celebrated and mourned, laughed and cried, danced and limped. I have kissed a lover, used a lover and abused a lover's trust. I have deceived a friend, lied to my family, dodged the taxman, and stolen while no one was watching. I have faced death in the face of Ak47's and enjoyed relief on my freedom. I have defended the vulnerable, fought for the freedom of the downtrodden, and exposed racist's prejudice. I have never missed a meal !

In the face of this excess of life I bathe in, both good and bad, I am forced again to ask "Is the best I'm ever going to do, the best I'll ever feel, the best I will ever be, the fastest I will ever run, the furthest I will ever jump? If it is ... and "It ain't that great!"

I remain the spoilt child throwing tantrums in the candy aisle!
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