Where did it all go wrong?

The couch philosopher arrogantly proclaims insight into the failing and flaws of individuals, corporations, politicians, governments and God. Yes, despite my piety, I secretly harbour criticism even for God. How often I look at the failings of society and blame it on God. Is God to blame for poverty? Is God enjoying popcorn and soda in a premium cinema seat while viewing in 30x60ft the misery and pain of man? Those who have reasoned God out of the equation must surely sleep blissfully.

The theologian's brainwashing of decades of Sundays screams in my consciousness that "God is good!" Should I blame the devil for the baby choking on its vomit. Is it diabolical that a young mother discovers the tentacles of death growing in her breast. Is the pulpit correct that man bears the responsibility of his own evil? I wrestle with my morality everyday. Does the 7year old naked boy at the traffic lights, begging for bread, bare the righteous judgement of a kind God, or the deserved penance of his own sinfulness? Only the self-righteous could possible consider the inner aside that this forgotten and forsaken child should 'Just get a job!" I struggle, in secret, to reconcile a loving God to the inner vortex of emotions a woman must feel the first time she sells her dignity to feed an addiction which left her letter choice.

I bare the scars of consequence and the cloak of shame for decisions made for me, and pathways chosen by me in the diminished candlelight of youthful insight. Yet, I will not blame God, nor man...but myself alone! My faith remains, albeit challenged.